Harry Potter and the Cliché Fanfiction
by PsychoHaired
Summary: WARNING:INSANITY COMPLETE!Harry suddenly lands in a world run by fanfictions.Chaos and comedy ensues.Actually this is another Mary-SueMary-JaneMary-Anne critique,includes stuff you normally find in a fanfiction,yet twisted to my desires. plotless stuff.
1. Harry meets his nihgtmare!

Harry Potter and the Cliché Fanfiction  
  
Disclaimer: YES THAT'S RIGHT I'M JK ROWLING ALL OF THIS IS MIIIIINE!!!!! ALL MIIIINE!!!!! *cough* erm. not really sorry  
  
A/N~ Welcome to my story. Please keep your hands and feet inside the computer area at all times. That will be all.  
  
It was September 1st and a young wizard named Harry Potter was anxiously awaiting for the Hogwarts express. Suddenly someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and gawked.  
  
"Like, HI! Umm, like, my name is Mary-Sue and like, I'm an exchange student from the United States!"  
  
"Err. hi I'm Ha-"  
  
"Harry Potter!!!!!" she screamed in her high-pitched airhead voice.  
  
"How'd you?"  
  
"Like, I know you 'cause I'm like, your biggest fan and umm I'm like, American and some junk" She smiled absentmindedly.  
  
Harry just stared at her blankly. Obviously she was blonde; a smart one since she had no need to be reminded to breathe. She had blue eyes, a shit- load of makeup and a very , and I mean VERY short skirt.  
  
"Like, I know! Aren't I the perfect stereotyped American girl?"  
  
Harry was very confused indeed.  
  
"Well. aren't you gonna thank me?" she asked impatiently.  
  
"Thank you? For what?"  
  
"He-llo! Like, look at yourself! You're a total hottie!"  
  
Harry looked at himself." Aaargh!! Why am I so tall?" he looked at himself in disbelief "Where'd these muscles come from?!?"  
  
"I know, like, I made you this way"  
  
"Wha-how-WHY?!"  
  
"because" "Change me back! I look like a gay porn star!!!!" Harry screamed.  
  
"Hey Harry" Ron and Hermione said from behind.  
  
"Ron! Hermione! I'm so glad you guys are he-" he turned around "Aaargh!!"  
  
"What's wrong Harry?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Yo-y- you're wearing a b-bra!"  
  
Harry stood horror struck as he saw his best friends. The were transformed into super-model-like people. Hermione's bushy brown hair was no longer bushy, it was wavy and shiny. Her breasts had grown. I mean they were HUGE. And that's not the scary part. she was wearing makeup and to top it all off she had a white 'bra-like' top and a short leather skirt.  
  
Ron on the other hand was way taller that Harry with extremely red hair. He had tanned skin and very toned muscles. but not as defined as Harry's. He was wearing what I like to call the 'Ricky Martin ensemble'; you know; the tight sweater and the very low and super tight black leather pants.  
  
"Don't be silly" Hermione said.  
  
"yeah Harry you know she always wears that stuff"  
  
Harry turned around and muttered "Mary-Sue may I talk to you in private?"  
  
"Like, sure!"  
  
Harry went to a corner of the station with Mary-Sue.  
  
"You have something to do with this don't you?"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!  
  
A/N~ Sorry guys that's it for today sorry for the short chappie. Unfortunately all of them will be short since this is a short story. REVIEW!!! I COMMAND YOU!! Disclaimer: all flames will be fed to my pet squirrel Jimmy Moist Muffins 


	2. She explains

Disclaimer: I STILL AM JK ROWLING!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! MINE! ALL MINE!!!!  
  
A/N~ Alas! The second chapter! Enjoy! Review! Get on with your life! I COMMAND YOU! . laterz!  
  
Chapter 2: she explains  
  
"You have something to do with this don't you?" Harry said outraged  
  
"Umm, like, yeah"  
  
"WHY?!"  
  
"Because you're, like, in my fanfiction!"  
  
"Fanfiction?" Harry asked slowly.  
  
"Well umm, you see, I, the perfect flawless Mary-Sue, represent the obsessed American fan girl who, like, always puts herself in her own pathetic love entangled story"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"He-llo! So I can be, like, you're girlfriend!"  
  
Harry shuddered at the mere thought but continued "and this affects my friends because."  
  
"Oh Harry, like, don't you get it?" before Harry could answer. "This year, like, everyone is going to look like a supermodel, like, no one will actually use magic, and like, there will be like, furious make-out sessions like, every hour!"  
  
"Let me get this straight. Everyone will look like a supermodel?" Mary-Sue nodded "including teachers like Dumbledore, Hagrid and. Snape?" he asked slowly.  
  
"Well. not Hagrid, like he doesn't exist anymore"  
  
"WHAT? WHY?!"  
  
"Like, he doesn't have crazy obsessed fangirls"  
  
"B-but he's my friend and a very good person! Just because you freaks don't like him doesn't mean he has to seize to exist!!!!" Harry screamed angrily.  
  
"Like, you're so shallow Harry"  
  
".And what's this about us not using magic?" he asked annoyingly.  
  
"Well, you won't be using magic"  
  
"We-won't-use-magic???"  
  
"Not really"  
  
"And you'll be my." Harry was too shocked to continue.  
  
"Girlfriend!!! Like, Oh my god you got it!!!"  
  
"One more thing.." "Like, yes?"  
  
"COULD SOMEONE KILL ME NOW PLEASE!?!?"  
  
"Lol"  
  
"Why'd you just say 'lol'?"  
  
"Oh, it's like, an acronym, like, it means laughing out loud"  
  
"Riiiite."  
  
Out of nowhere Harry and the gang, unfortunately including Mary-Sue, are suddenly sitting in the great Hall.  
  
"How'd that happen?" Harry asked very confused.  
  
"I'm usually too lazy to write in between important scenes."  
  
"Oh" Harry said silently as the sorting ceremony started.  
  
Random names were called out; mostly slight variations of former student's names. Which is weird because Harry could've sworn they were only children; like Neville Longbotton who apparently has a sister named Nuwanda Longbotton; and so on and so forth.  
  
"This year we have some new foreign transfer students from America" Professor McGonnagal said "which is very confusing because they were completely muggle until they read the series" she sighed, "Anyways, Mary- Sue, Mary-Jane and Mary-Anne please come forth to be sorted"  
  
Mary-Anne was first. She was exactly like Mary-Sue only that her hair was dark brown. She was sorted into Slytherin after asking if the hat would mess up her hair. Mary-Jane was next; she was a slight variation of Mary- Anne, with curly light brow hair. She was sorted into Gryffindor after pointing out how it did not match her outfit at all. And the dreaded Mary- Sue was last; she too was sorted into Gryffindor after countless minutes of refusing to wear it because it had been contaminated by other people's heads.  
  
After the ceremony was over, Harry glanced over at the Ravenclaw table hoping to see the new 'fanfictionized' Cho.  
  
"Like, if you're looking for Cho. she like, doesn't exist either"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Us Harry Potter fans like me hate her guts to death, so like, we pretend that like, she never existed"  
  
"You know. you're really annoying me"  
  
"Like, as if I care"  
  
". If you say 'like' on more time I'll." Harry said through clenched teeth.  
  
Harry kept looking on. He spotted Ron and Hermione. They were having a furious make out session. After that Mary- Jane grabbed Ron away from Hermione (after much pulling) and they started a new make-out session (Hermione was left furious). Harry shuddered; he looked over at the professor's table. Dumbledore was eating a pile of lemon drops. Snape was sulking and looked pretty much the same; with the big exception that he was wearing a very tight leather cloak. "Aaaarrgghhh!!!!!!!!! The pain!!!!!!" he screamed "I'm blind!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Harry ran away to the corridor. He bumped into someone and fell backwards onto the floor.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!  
  
A/N~ If you're asking yourself the purpose for so many "Marys" then you'll just have to wait. But. I have written another story that includes Mary-Sue and Mary-Jane . DRUNK IDIOTS! You can go to that story if you want a little background on them. but Mary-Anne is my newest creation so you'll just have to wait. 


	3. Harry meets the OTHER Marys

Disclaimer: I have now successfully kidnapped JK Rowling and I am the new author for the series  
  
Chapter 3: He meets the other Marys  
  
A/N~ Oh joy, yet another chapter in my wonderfully clichéd story. Sit tight, grab some snacks and enjoy!  
  
Harry ran away to the corridor and bumped into someone and fell backwards.  
  
"Oh sorry." he looked at who he had bumped into. "Malfoy" he spat with hatred.  
  
"Aw, come now, don't call me 'Malfoy', I'm a good guy now, call me Draco"  
  
"Why? I've been calling you 'Malfoy' for the past four years I've known you!"  
  
"Actually it's been six"  
  
".But we're in the 5th year and I met you in our 1st year."  
  
"I know, but there was a two year lapse in time 'til we came back."  
  
"Oh"  
  
"Well, see you"  
  
"Wait! Aren't you going to insult me?"  
  
"Hmm. not really, I've got a make-out session in 3 minutes so I must go"  
  
"Ok."  
  
Harry got up and turned to leave for his Common Room.  
  
"Harry! Like, how are you!"  
  
Harry answered annoyingly without even looking  
  
"Listen Mary-Sue! Stop the crap!"  
  
"Like, I'm not Mary-Sue!"  
  
Harry turned around, before him stood the exact replica of Mary-Sue. Only that this Mary in particular had light brown curly hair and dark brown eyes.  
  
"Like, I'm Mary-Jane!"  
  
"Mary-JANE?" he said Horror-struck. 'Not another Mary!!!!' he thought  
  
"Like, yea"  
  
"Cool, so where's Spider-Man?"  
  
"Harry you moron! I'm not THAT Mary-Jane!"  
  
"Well it was worth a try." Harry mumbled and shrugged. "So you are another version of Mary-Sue then?"  
  
"Yes, I'm just like Mary-Sue only that I'm Ron's pathetic fan girl who like, puts herself in her own entangled love stories to be like, his love interest."  
  
"Oh" he nodded.  
  
"So like, have you seen Ron?"  
  
"Ahh. no" he said annoyingly.  
  
"Oh dammit!"  
  
Harry kept walking towards the Gryffindor Common Room Harry bumped into someone yet again.  
  
"Oh like, hi Harry!"  
  
"Mary-Jane?!" he stammered "B-But you were just downstairs!!!" he noticed something different about her though "wait. didn't you have curly light brown hair?"  
  
"Harry, like slow down" she sighed "I'm like, Mary-Anne"  
  
"Another Mary!?"  
  
She chuckled "Like yea"  
  
"OH NO NOT ANOTHER ONE!!!"  
  
"Yes I'm just like Mary-Sue and Mary-Jane but I'm Draco's pathetic fangirl who like, puts herself in her own pathetic love entangled story to be like, Draco's love interest!"  
  
"Oh"  
  
"So like, have you seen him?"  
  
"Umm, yeah he said something about a make-out session in 3 minutes or something"  
  
"Oh crap I'm late!!!" she said looking at her watch.  
  
Harry was yet again on his way to the Gryffindor Common Room. Surprisingly and to his delight he did not, I repeat did not bump into any more Marys. On the other hand he did see some of the hourly make-out sessions in progress; some of which startled Harry. Some were even shocking to him; you know, slashy or teacher/student/ghost triple x kinda stuff.  
  
"XXX?! WERE'S THAT HOTTIE VIN DIESEL?!?" screamed a mindless random Diesel fan.  
  
" NOT THAT 'XXX' YOU MORONIC BABOON!" screamed another more sane random voice.  
  
"OH OK" screamed the first mindless random Diesel fan.  
  
So after many minutes of me thinking what to write next ,many make- out encounters and a LOT of random voices shouting incoherent things that have nothing to do with this fic. Harry got to his Common Room!  
  
"Finally"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!! A/N~ alas two days till the 5th book one more chapter and you wont hear from me again until I finish reading HP book 5 for about 15 times to say the least. REVIEW!!!! Ahh do not tell me you do not know where the review box is..  
  
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	4. The clichéd ball of cliché pairings

DISCLAIMER: I have given up on trying to take over Harry Potter. Yes, sadly I must admit defeat. But hey! At least you get this instead!  
  
Chapter 4: "The clichéd ball of the clichéd pairings"  
  
"Finally" Harry sighed. "Aaargh!!" There was someone sitting on his bed. "What are you doing here?!" he glared at Mary-Sue.  
  
"I'm like, waiting for you to get dressed!"  
  
"I AM dressed!"  
  
"Like, not for the Yule ball!"  
  
"B-but I thought the Yule ball only took place in the Triwizard Tournament!"  
  
"Yea well, like we usually write this to entertain ourselves because we like aren't original and some junk"  
  
"Oh"  
  
"So hurry up!"  
  
"I'm not gonna change in front of you! And besides. I don't have a date!"  
  
"Harry, like, I'm beginning to think you're gay" she sighed "I'm your like, date!"  
  
"Nooo!"  
  
"Yes! Now I'll go outside and you are gonna change ok?"  
  
"Yes Ma' am" he said very disappointedly  
  
Mary-Sue stepped out of the room and Harry got into his old dress robes. Harry sighed, 'What did I do to deserve this?' he thought.  
  
Harry took Mary-Sue to the Yule ball. Everyone was there and oddly enough. the Backstreetboys were performing.  
  
"I didn't know the Backstreetboys were wizards" Harry said  
  
"They aren't It's just that we don't have the imagination to create another wizard band and 'the weird brothers' would be a little clichéd wouldn't it?"  
  
"I am utterly confused"  
  
Mary-Sue had forced Harry to dance all night long. In the process he saw Ron, who went with Hermione and Mary-Jane; both girls were often cat fighting to see who danced with Ron next, Mal- I mean Draco went with Ginny and Mary-Anne; to his surprise they didn't cat fight.  
  
1:00AM struck and most people had gone to their dormitories. Mary-Sue however had tied Harry to a leash.  
  
"Harry I'm tired I think I'll go to bed"  
  
"Aren't you going to untie the leash?" "Oh please Harry, like, don't you have opposable thumbs?"  
  
"Er.right"  
  
So Harry began his tedious walk back to his dormitory. He didn't understand how on earth it took him so long when Hogwarts was fanfictionized, instead of the usual 15 minutes back when J.K Rowling use to write this. He kept walking and finally got to his bedroom.  
  
"yay bed" he yawned as he pulled back the curtains.  
  
"Harry! Glad you could join us!" Mal-I mean Draco said.  
  
"Aargh!"  
  
"Great! Like, now we can have a eight-some!" said Mary-Sue.  
  
"Ok, this is NOT happening on MY bed!!!!" Harry screamed.  
  
A lot of people were on his bed.Mary-Sue, Mary-Jane, Mary-Anne, Ron, Mal- I mean Draco, Hermione and Ginny.  
  
"Oh Harry lighten up!" Ron said gleefully.  
  
"Lighten up?!" he screamed "YOU'RE F*CKING BREEDING ON MY BED!!!"  
  
"Aww Harry don't be such a spoil-sport."Draco said chuckling. apparently he had gotten himself drunk.  
  
"M-Draco? How'd you get here anyway?"  
  
"I dunno, I just did."  
  
"Ok that is it!!! EVERYBODY OUT!" He said pointing at the door.  
  
"Oh C'mon Harry!" said Hermione.  
  
"OUT!"  
  
"But like, I."stammered Mary-Jane.  
  
"Out NOW!"  
  
"Oh alright." Draco sighed "..let's go to my bed"  
  
After disinfecting his bed for about the zillionth time, Harry finally laid down.  
  
"LIKE, HARRY!" Mary-Sue burst trough the door.  
  
"what-is-it-now?" Harry said through clenched teeth.  
  
"They like, cancelled the last term test thingies!"  
  
"What? But it's only the first day of school! .and what about the O.W.L.'s? we need to take those! I mean, this isn't supposed to happen until the last day of school! .I'm confused again."  
  
"Like, do you ever shut up?" she sighed "today IS the last day of school"  
  
"But we just got from the train station yesterday!"  
  
"Bad fanfiction timeline" she shrugged.  
  
"Oh. OUT OF MY ROOM!"  
  
"Like, ok! Geesh don't spaz!" she approached him "Oh and I was supposed to give you this on the train." She bent down and snogged the poor Harry until he could hardly breathe.  
  
Harry went rushing down to the W.C. and brushed his mouth until he started bleeding.the he went to bed.  
  
"Finally. peace and quiet"  
  
*************  
  
"Harry wake up!" screamed aunt Petunia from downstairs.  
  
Harry stirred, it had all been a nightmare. He looked up, he had been surfing' the net in search for any mysterious disappearances. Anything that would clue him in onto what Voldemort was doing. On the screen he saw something.  
  
"Harry Potter and the Cliché Fanfiction" by:Ronsgf4ever  
  
He turned off the Internet. 'I think I'll go lay outside for a while. I'm going to listen to the news' he thought.  
  
THE END!  
  
Final Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K Rowling except for Mary-Jane and Mary-Anne. as for Mary-Sue. she belongs to all of us doesn't she? Well se you!  
  
A/N~If you noticed this ficlet takes place right before the fifth book starts. It is very good, I recommend it to everyone!^_^ . And this is my story be warned I want reviews and I want them now!!!!!.please Watch out for more Mary related stories in the near future! And the introduction of a new Mary! . Yes there are more. cheerz! 


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